


separation PHAN-xiety!

by adelatron26



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-09-01 08:29:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8616859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adelatron26/pseuds/adelatron26
Summary: prompted by phil's recent visit to Florida,leaving his little 'Danny boy' behind...if I get enough readers i hope to turn it into a multific since I have most of the story written in my head as we speak..:-)





	1. Chapter 1

Phil wanted to savor the moment Dan first saw his friend after the week long separation.

But also being typical Phil he also wanted to torture him a little bit,so he stayed at the house while his mother went to collect Dan from the airport.

After all he would have to say goodbye to his family the next day, given their tour schedule,back to sleeping in hotel rooms.

Phil missed the comfort of his own bed.The smell and feel of his own duvet covers and how they reminded him of home,the smell of the lavender candle by his bedside as it wafted throughout the apartment.

so technically not even this house his mother had in Florida mad him feel really comfortable.He itched to find some familiarity.

the door opened rattling Phi from his thoughts,a faint smell of Lynx filled the air and seconds later Dan followed waddling awkwardly through the door with a suitcase in one hand and his galaxy 'blackpack' in the other.

'hey Phil' Dan almost dropped the suitcase when he spotted Phil,he had this moment where it was almost as if Phil was the only focus and everything on the periphery was a blur,like some kind of anime effect.

Phil smiled automatically in response to his best friend's huge smile.It still amazed Phil just how enamored Dan was by him.

At the beginning it have given Phil anxiety about performing just as Dan imagined,living up to the dream so as to speak but after a while he realized Dan wasn't expecting perfection and actually ended up more enamored with Phil than he had been in his head.

Phil laughed his crinkly eyed laugh as Dan struggled with the luggage but refused help from either his mother or himself.

he couldn't resist anymore however when Phil took the bag from his shoulder and slung it over his own.

'hello by the way,in case i forgot to say that already' Dan surprised Phil by pulling him into a hug even after all these years they still managed to surprise each other.

Phil felt Dan was clinging to him even though they had been apart a week.

Phil coughed and Dan eventually unscrunched Phil's t-shirt from his hands and backed away.

'im really hot ugh I think i need a shower badly why did I wear a leather jacket of all things?'

that was a moment killer to end all moment killers,Phil thought.

as Dan emerged fresh and clean from the shower after spending quite a lot of time styling his hair into some sort of presentable stare,he came upon Phil.He was wearing the sheepish grin like he did something wrong.Dan always joked Phil would be terrible at poker(as he roved in Vegas) because his tell was his eyes,they sparkled when he lies or does something wrong like the time he ate all the marshmallows for a baking video.

or maybe Dan analyzed Phil's face often enough to know these things but that was completely normal between friends and roommates right?

'Phil,I feel like I have caught you doing something you shouldn't have?did you break a glass or spill something on the carpet?'

'the blush on Phil's cheeks intensified as he searched pleadingly to his mother just off to the side.

Dan mentally slapped himself for not noticing her and regretted what he said.

'uh actually Daniel i was just telling Phil it may be a bit of a tight squeeze tonight in the house given that Martyn and his girlfriend are staying over and well I suggested maybe you and Phil could share his room together'

Dan felt as if he was playing a character in some sort of Fanfic but IRL...

'of course we have a spare futon bed that Phil will be staying in since I insisted you as the guest have a comfortable sleep before your adventure tomorrow'

Dan couldn't help but enjoy Phil squirming out of the corner of his eye and to really drive him mad he uncharacteristically in a pitch he didn't even know he could reach answered

'thank you Mrs Lester wouldn't mind that at all'

Phil rolled his eyes as they made their way towards his room.


	2. reunion and recap

Phil could feel an oppressive atmosphere fall as soon as Dan closed the door behind him.  
He stood awkwardly by the door unfamiliar with his surroundings but he didn’t waste any time before he spoke

‘Phil….uhm why didn’t you come to the airport to collect me?’  
Phil translated that in his head as ‘why couldn’t you have been the first face I saw coming off the plane?’  
He was going to be honest and explain that it was just meant as a mean joke but held his tongue when he saw the hurt on Dan’s face.  
He was never as raw with emotion as he seemed at this very moment.Phil could swear he could see tears forming in Dan’s eyes when he spoke, even though he concentrated on the floor not able to meet Phil’s eyes.

Like a lost puppy he stood and Phil unconsciously reacted in the only way he knew how  
He closed the space between them and pulled Dan into a hug.  
This seemed to work on all of his nieces when they were sad so he supposed it would also have a soothing effect on Dan..right?

Dan was expecting an explanation or even a rib jab at the very least but the last thing h expected was for Phil to full on embrace him.  
Then again to Phil this probably didn’t register as out of the ordinary given his lack of understanding about certain social acts or obvious innuendo.

Dan surprised himself at this own reaction…he blushed,why was he blushing?was Phil doing this on purpose?  
‘alright ok are we officially at the hugging phase then?’

Phil backed away and Dan dropped his arms which somehow found their way resting on Phil’s ‘strong hips’ during the short hug.  
‘I’m sorry Dan, but, to make it up to you I bought you something which as soon as I saw it I knew it belonged to you’

Dan giggled his laugh which came out half laugh half snort..the laugh Phil had endearingly called the ‘snlaugh’   
Dan peeked around Phil as he pulled something from the side of his bed.

 

His eyes brightened as soon as he saw what it was

‘aww Phil,this is amazing,where in the hell did you get this beautiful masterpiece?’

‘well um I actually wanted to give it to you when we got back but..’

‘phil you have that guilty face like the time you ate all the marshmallows for our baking vid,what’s wrong,did you steal this or something?’  
‘no Dan of course not,I actually had it custom made’

‘If we were characters in Westworld I would literally be swooning right now Phil,I cant believe you would do that wow…  
‘don’t just thank me,thank the bed fairies that wove the fabric with their tiny little hands’

‘Phil,stop please’  
Dan studied the black galaxy embroidered sheets. He sat on Phil’s bed and laid them out to look at it in its entirety.  
Phil enjoyed nothing more than seeing his friends happy but when it came to Dan he craved when he was happy because it was so rare to witness it.  
‘this might be a good time to mention I brought you something too Philly,but it’s not new unfortunately’

Phil was instantly intrigued as to what Dan was getting from his suitcase since Dan rarely bought Phil things except from food shopping.  
‘ta-da,I thought you might be missing a little bit of home so I wanted to bring you a little bit of the apartment that wasn’t a fixed construction’  
Phil couldn’t help but laugh at the coincidence of the situation as Dan held his comfy England born, green duvet in his hand while Dan’s galaxy one lay on the bed.  
‘so are we telepathically linked now or what? Should we run away and join a circus?’  
They laughed until their stomachs hurt and the subject turned to which bedcovers would go on the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Phil woke hours later to Dan sweating and even in the dark he could see Dan's heart pulsate and vibrate the bed covers. 

It looked like a tornado tore through his hair as it lay disheveled around his head. 

Phil was torn between disturbing Dan and waking him from this nightmare or reach out and stroke his forehead. 

He debated for a few seconds before switching on his bedside lamp. 

Dan looked so tense with his forehead etched into a frown as he fought with his demons unconscious. 

Phil couldn’t help but reach out trace the lines on Dans forehead,he was surprised by Dans reaction however when he seemed to become calmer.. 

Phil never realised how soft Dans skin was...he hesitated to stroke down his cheek a she thought this would be an invasion of privacy but s soon as he took his hand away he heard a quiet yelp 

''Phil?why would you do that Phil?' 

The repetition of his name made Phil's stomach clench and tug with guilt even though he had no idea why. 

He hated the idea of causing such an adverse reaction though especially to someone as...special as Dan. 

Phil lived by the rules of his moral,kind and upstanding personality that it pained him physically to believe he was hurting someone without any way to rectify it. 

He decided to place his cold hand on Dan's entire forehead,Dan nudged into it as if a pup cuddling its mother.this was simply to comfort him,Phil chanted in his head over and over again to stave off any other ideas that it could be a selfish act for himself. 

He caught the faint smell of Dans lynx as Dan reached up to cover his eyes as if he was shielding them from a blinding light. 

Phil froze,he thought that Dan might be waking up but when Dan simply let out a pleasing sigh, let his arm drop Phil felt a stab of mischievousness. 

Would he really push his luck and lean closer to Dan? Would that be too much? 

But Dan's even breath just gave him more motivation to push forward... 

He had an epiphany, the power of suggestion when asleep,maybe he coukd eke out what was disturbing him so badly. 

All Phil needed now was a deerstalker and pipe as he set about his detective work...Dan kept telling him he watched too much crime shows and didn’t fall for the excuse that Phil was just watching them to learn Norwegian. 

He started whispering close to Dan's ear and irked himself at how horrible the sound was.. 

'Dan,its ok,just keep breathing in and out' 

At this Dan let out a deep breath 

He wanted to kick himself, it was working, 

'ok Dan now can you tell me what is going on in your dream right now?' 

'there's a...bad...bad...Philly' 

Phil opened his eyes in shock and tried to keep him talking,but Da.s breath was tickling his ear 

He leaned back to put his hair completely out of his face but when he went to lean back over Dan he nearly died 

'you are a very bad Philly indeed' Dan siad ina thick voice. 

'Dan,how long have you been awake?' 

'ever since you tried to reprogramme me for the Skynet robotic invasion' he laughed and turned towards Phil. 

'thanks Dan,for making me feel like a total idiot' 

'hey I'm not the one who was trying to pry on your vulnerability' 

'I was actually trying to ask about...to try and solve a..' 

Dan became serious when he sensed Phil's uneasiness in the dark room. 

He reached up to hold his shoulder when he stopped and sat up mirroring Phil grabbing his knees. 

He settled for nudging Phil with his arm. 

'hey Phil,what's bothering you?and by that I mean what has you up at 5 in the morning leaning over my sleeping form?' 

'it was intimate with the lights out and their close proximity in the small bedroom but Phil pushed that thought aside to deal with the problem at hand. 

'Dan,did I do anything to hurt you lately?' 

'what?' Dans eyes went wide but Phil could see a glint of apprehension in his eyes and that made him even more hurt. 

'please don’t lie to me Dan,remember no dishonesty between us' 

'ok so I won't lie Phil but I may ve to manipulate the truth to forego hurting both of us ok' 

Phil didn't get lost in the semantics of Dan's vocabulary again but instead focused on the one thing he could understand 

'so you will give me a truth but not the whole truth?' 

Dan smiled at the court reference. 

'ok so I may have downplayed the whole not seeing you at the airport thing' 

Dan felt so childish that he just decided to say everything in a rush 

'so I had a nightmare that you left and I couldn’t find you the apartment was empty,you're stuff was there but it was like you just vanished' 

 

Tears glinted in Dnas eyes and he cursed them for betraying him.it was such a stupid reason to be upset but maybe that’s because there a much deeper issue affecting him..one he didn’t want to bring up and combat at this very moment in time. 

'Dan I am sorry I didn’t come to the airport to meet you,if I had known it would affect you this much I would have made it to the airport on a scooter if I had to' 

Luckily Phil had bought it,the tears were still there however reminding him of how this nightmare only skimmed the surface of the deeper meaning of his fears regarding Phil. 

 

Only thing is,Phil didn’t buy it,the way Dan spoke gave him the familiar feeling of being an audience member,only the lead character was Dan and the script he was reading off fell short of an ending....


	4. this guy

They woke up the next day and neither one expected to be in the position they found themselves.   
Dan woke and couldn’t help but laugh as he found Phil precariously hanging off the bed   
He tried to stifle his giggle but his hands didn’t stop it from escaping his mouth and as Phil stirred from his sleep,legs hanging off the bed,Dan immediately turned over and feigned ignorance. 

'mm,Dan are you awake?'   
He sleepily rubbed his eyes and peeked over at Dan laying on his side.   
He looked so still and peaceful and...curvy,Phil stopped his thoughts and brought his attention back to the present problem. Had he dreamt Dan's giggle,was Dan now invading Phil dreamworld as well as his real life. 

Before his thoughts could run away from him,an stirred next to him and turned his clear brown eyes on him. He lost hismself for a minute and completely lost balance on the bed falling off eliciting a nother giggle form Dan. 

'hey you were laughing at me a while ago?'Phil piped up from the side of the bed.   
Dan rolled over laughing and lost himself to the loud genuine laugh Phil always seemed to elicit from him. 

They made their way down to breakfast and Dan had to take a moment to register the family atmosphere at the table as all the Lester's sat around talking and eating breakfast. 

Phil stopped with Dan and glanced at him worried,without saying anything Dan gave Phil a nod to take a seat but the frown creased his brow as they went to take a seat.   
'good morning boys,how did you sleep?was Phil's bed comfortable for you Dan?'   
Dan couldn’t help but blush at the double entendre the question implied but only his perverted mind would think up.   
He answered with a simple 'yes,It was so peaceful thank you'   
He decided to make a bold move however and stared straight ahead when he said 

'funnily enough however Phil does tend to hog the duvet,I had to fight for it most of the night'   
And with that he took a bite of his eggs   
The Lester's laughed obliviously innocent to the deeper meaning but Dan could feel Phil boring his eyes into the side of his face and he was actually too scared to see whether the reaction is positive or negative. 

After breakfast the Lester's suggested to go to the beach and Dan and Phil agreed even though he could barely keep up on the conversation given his mind was still on what he said. He eventually lifted his head up brave enough to finally face Phil but he noticed the change Phil's demeanor was tense and when they both happened to reach for the salt shaker their hands touched and Phil recoiled as if burned.   
They subconsciously walked away from the rest of the group at the beach and it was only when Phil looked down that he realised they were walking towards each together,they literally gravitated towards each other how cruel could this universe get? 

He looked up at the sky and nearly cursed the (hypothetical magic man in the sky) but instead he sighed out loud and this caught Dan's attention, like a dog picking up a scent.   
'I'm sorry for what is aid this morning Phil I was rash and didn’t mean to upset you so much' 

This caught Phil off guard but then again Dan never ceased to amaze or surprise Phil, he decided to go along with this line of questioning rather than admit why he was really sighing. 

'you’ve discovered another of my annoying habits that my family know about already its fine..not really worth mentioning though'   
'I know ,I don't know why I did mention it...its just so frustrating' 

Dan heaved a sigh of his own and stalked over to the water he was so close the water washed over his feet. 

Phil walked up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder   
'you know you can tell me,I don’t like you bottling things up we have seen how that can end badly for both of us' 

Dan took a couple of mins just breathing in and out looking out to sea and looking down finally he replied 

'but if I told you this it could end badly for both of us too only more permanently' 

Dan didn’t know how it happened but slowly he felt arms reach around his waist and a chin rested on his shoulder. He felt a breath tickle his ear and felt an unbelievable sense of relief and love as he heard a very faint. 

'I am always here for you Dan,I want to be here for you and I want you to be able to let me be there for you okay' 

Dan smiled for the first time that day and realized how deep he was in love with this guy.


	5. the long road home

Dan wanted nothing more than to rest his head back on Phil's as they stood there looking out to sea.   
They walked along the beach towards the house in a comfortable silence.Both knew they had a long night ahead of them and both had to format what they wanted to say as if editing a video. 

Neither noticed how the Lesters kept a close distance behind them clearly sensing the change in atmosphere. 

Cornelia and Martyn were giggling as if they were school kids learning a secret in the playground. 

Their hands bumped against one another and both took stock of the electric shock it gave. 

But was it the excitement of the day or something else? 

Dan sneaked a glance at Phil and was glad he did   
'Phil are you alright?'Dan queried turning his full concern on a pale faced Phil.   
'hmm yeah I'm fine'   
Dan stopped walking and rolled his eyes   
'Phil I know you're lying,you're doing your guilt face'   
Phil tried to feign shock   
'hey are you trying to call me sneky snek?' Not watching where he was going Phil tripped and fell backwards   
Dan foresaw the fall and went to catch him almost instinctively but Phil only ended up pulling Dan on top of him. 

This gave Dan the time to see Phil up close   
'Phil you look like Shrek mated with the grinch and had you,not to mention,you're all clammy'   
Dan checked Phil's forehead and it was beyond hot.   
'get out of ma' swamp' Phil lightheartedly joked trying to swat Dan's hand away.   
'come on you,we're going to get straight back to the house' 

'ok mum' Phil pouted but that only made Dan want to pinch his cheeks.He remained adamant knowing Phil was also just as stubborn. 

The Lesters reached them just as Phil was brushing off the sand from his pants.Martyn was the first to joke 'hey Phil was Dan that good looking you lost your footing?' 

Phil turned red adding a red tinge to an already green colored face. 

Dan stood defensively between them and added   
'I think he caught a bug or maybe food poisoning or something,I'm going bring him back to the house.' 

'oh my poor child,maybe you ate too many pancakes at lunch?' Kathryn went to hug Phil and patted his back.   
'Don’t worry, you guys can still go to dinner I'll give him some paracetamol and make sure his temperature goes down'   
'are you sure Dan?'Kathryn hugged him too and he felt like this was what family meant, these little gestures. 

'yes I'm sure I'll make something at home' 

'oh no sweetie we will bring you back some dinner,we won't be too long ok,everyone has their phones and we'll try to find somewhere local' 

Before they went any further Dan lifted Phil's arms so he was essentially taking most of his weight as they walked back to the house. 

'is this really necessary Dan I'm not incapacitated?' 

'Phil the way you look right now reminds me of the time you came home from the gym except this time you didn’t do ten rounds with a tyre' 

Phil eyed him warily and Dan watched him out of the corner of his eye as he checked him out. 

Dan wanted to ask 'found something you like?' But didn’t have the courage to voice it aloud. 

He was being too selfish wasn’t he?I mean he Phil had already said he would be there for Dan and that should be enough for now shouldn’t it?what more did he want? 

'Dan why are you doing this?'Phil's voice seemed so quiet and childlike Dan thought for a nonosecond he'd dreamt it. 

'I know I'm bitter and empty inside but that doesn’t mean I would leave you in such a sick state' 

'I didn’t doubt that Dan but you were supposed to be enjoying yourself,relaxing,taking a break but instead your stuck here looking after an old man like me' 

'hey Phil listen,you don’t get to pass remarks like that about yourself,you are the man who saved me gave me a new meaning in life.I was the young stupid boy you made a man out of so don’t tell me what I should be doing with my time when I wouldn’t be here if it weren't for you' 

Throughout this monologue Phil stayed quiet but couldn’t help the tears springing to his eyes listening to the words.   
Dan's anger dissipated and he started rubbing soothing circles on Phil's back which was now soaked in sweat. 

'did you have to make me cry?'Phil sobbed 

'I'm sorry Phil but I just hate it when you put yourself down like that,I've seen enough people do that already' 

'still I'm glad you're opening up Dan,I want to share your struggle just as you share mine like right now' 

They were at the front door now and Dan let Phil lean against the doorframe while he opened the door. 

'hey Dan 'Phil sounded delirious 'give me an onomatopoeic word?'   
Dan imitated a circle with his hands and with a high-pitched tone announced   
'microwave' they both laughed tongue to cheek laugh until Phil nearly tripped in the hallway and Dan had to carry him to his room. 

Dan stood nervously by Phil's bed as Phil sat in front of him.   
'K,Phil don’t take this the wrong way but I have to remove your clothing'   
Phil spasmed as if electrocuted and looked up at Dan frowning.   
Dan smiled reassuringly   
'it's because of the fever Phil,you're soaked'   
'I can undress myself Dan I've only being doing it for 29 years now'   
However as he went to take off his t-shirt it he couldn’t get it over his head and struggled like a fish out of water.   
Dan kneeled down beside him and helped him remove the rest as well as his shorts which were nearly see through with sweat. 

'now Phil I have to go get a damp cloth and some ibuprofen for the fever ok please don’t move'   
'Dan please stop talking to me like I'm a child'   
Phil pouted and Dan had to leave before he got the urge to kiss said lips. 

When he had finally found the pills and a basin of water with towel, he came back to find Phil on his back with his eyes closed.He gently placed the cloth on Phil's forehead before Phil opened his eyes suddenly nearly causing Dan to hit the ceiling. 

'Dan,do you really think spiders are more afraid of us than we are of them?'typical Phil question but the way he asked it made Dan squeal internally.   
He felt like a parent putting his child to bed even though that scenario would be weird given their situation and well he wasn’t kink shaming but its not for him frankly' 

'Ok Jayden Smith, lets leave the philosophy to the Greek gods ok?'   
But just as Dan was pulling the covers over Phil,Phil jumped from the bed and bolted to the bathroom.   
Dan followed and knelt beside him,a sympathetic look on his face and he stared rubbing circles on Phil's back 

'please Dan you don’t have to watch this'Phil begged between throwing up   
'I want you to let me be there for you' Dan echoed Phil's own words.He couldn’t argue against his own reasoning and also he felt comforted by those large solid hands of Dans on his back. 

'I'm sorry Dan its been like that since I was young,yet another reason why my mom didn’t have more kids'   
'you mean it wasn’t just because of the creepy watching them while they slept'   
'hey I'm sick I get a pass on being bullied'   
'you're right and I appreciate your little idiosyncratic ways they make you so unique Phil not weird'   
'you know you can be really cheesy sometimes'   
'good it was supposed to be cheesy' 

Dan kept rubbing his back and saw how exhausted Phil was hovering next to the toilet bowl.After a few minutes Dan asked 

'Phil do you think its safe enough to make it back to the bed,you seriously need liquids'   
Phils eyes lit up and Dan sternly said   
'no coffee Phil,not with your stomach,maybe some tea and and dry toast instead'   
'Dan can you also bring in the laptop se we can catch up on some anime?'   
'yes Phil'Dan shouted from the kitchen as he went about making some toast for himself with butter aswell as dry toast for Phil. 

When Phil looked up he laughed rocking back and forth on the bed   
'ooh breakfast in bed,you really shouldn’t have Dan?' 

Dan gave him a 'this guy' look and answered   
'shut up you idiot I found this in the cupboard anyway half of it is mine'   
'jeez Dan did you leave nay bread for the rest of them?'   
'excuse me but I haven't eaten since lunch today'   
'I know I'm sorry Dan because of me you must be starving maybe you should make something more substantial'   
'nope we are in this together remember?call it a sympathy protest against food' 

'Dan I'm pretty sure that’s some form of abuse or self-harm that you're doing to your body right now'   
'just shut up Phil and eat your toast I'll go grab the laptop'   
They sat in bed and watched death note and ate in peace. 

Phil fell asleep on Dans shoulder,hair mussed and clung to his forehead.Without moving too much Dan had to reach over Phil to turn off the bedside lamp but as he turned to reach over Phil he was enclosed in a hug as Phil's arms wrapped around his waist.   
Dan could see the blemishes on his nose and around his lips   
.He decided against disturbing his sleep so he simply shimmied down to cuddle facing him   
he felt the same level of peace he only got when he was asleep the complete lack of criticism and doubt that haunted his everyday life.   
A little while later Kathryn came to check on them and give Dan his food when she found them alseep,dan with a protective hand on Phil's stomach.   
She tiptoed around the bed to turn off the lamp and beamed with pride at the sight of the two of them.In sickness and in health,her wedding day echoeed in her mind.They really were in love weren't they?


	6. Chapter 6

Dan wanted nothing more than to rest his head back on Phil's as they stood there looking out to sea.  
They walked along the beach towards the house in a comfortable silence.Both knew they had a long night ahead of them and both had to format what they wanted to say as if editing a video.  
Neither noticed how the lesters kept a close distance behind them clearly sensing the change in atmosphere.  
Cornelia and Martyn were giggling as if they were school kids learning a secret in the playground.  
Their hands bumped against one another and both took stock of the electric shock it gave. 

But was it the excitement of the day or something else? 

Dan sneaked a glance at Phil and was glad he did  
'Phil are you alright?'Dan queried turning his full concern on a pale faced Phil.  
'hmm yeah I'm fine'  
Dan stopped walking and rolled his eyes  
'Phil I know you're lying,you're doing your guilt fac'e  
Phil tried to feign shock  
'hey are you trying to call me sneky snek?' Not watching where he was going Phil tripped and fell backwards  
Dan foresaw the fall and went to catch him almost instinctively but Phil only ended up pulling Dan on top of him. 

This gave Dan the time to see Phil up close  
'Phil you look like Shrek mated with the grinch and had you,not to mention,you're all clammy'  
Dan checked Phil's forehead and it was beyond hot.  
'get out of ma' swamp' Phil lightheartedly joked trying to swat Dan's hand away.  
'come on you,we're going to get straight back to the house' 

'ok mum' Phil pouted but that only made Dan want to pinch his cheeks.He remained adamant knowing Phil was also just as stubborn.  
The lesters reached them just as Phil was brushing off the sand from his pants.Martyn was the first to joke 'hey Phil was Dan that good looking you lost your footing?' 

Phil turned red adding a red tinge to an already green colored face. 

Dan stood defensively between them and added  
'I think he caught a bug or maybe food poisoning or something,I'm going bring him back to the house.' 

'oh my poor child,maybe you ate too many pancakes at lunch?' Kathryn went to hug Phil and patted his back.  
'Don’t worry, you guys can still go to dinner I'll give him some paracetamol and make sure his temperature goes down'  
'are you sure Dan?'Kathryn hugged him too and he felt like this was what family meant, these little gestures. 

'yes I'm sure I'll make something at home' 

'oh no sweetie we will bring you back some dinner,we won't be too long ok,everyone has their phones and we'll try to find somewhere local' 

Before they went any further Dan lifted Phil's arms so he was essentially taking most of his weight as they walked back to the house.  
'is this really necessary Dan I'm not incapacitated?'  
'Phil the way you look right now reminds me of the time you came home from the gym except this time you didn’t do ten rounds with a tyre'  
Phil eyed him warily and Dan watched him out of the corner of his eye as he checked him out. 

Dan wanted to ask 'found something you like?' But didn’t have the courage to voice it aloud.  
He was being too selfish wasn’t he,I mean he Phil had already said he would be there for Dan and that should be enough for now shouldn’t it?what more did he want?  
'Dan why are you doing this?'Phil's voice seemed so quiet and childlike Dan thought for a nonosecond he'd dreamt it. 

'I know I'm bitter and empty inside but that doesn’t mean I would leave you in such a sick state'  
'I didn’t doubt that Dan but you were supposed to be enjoying yourself,relaxing,taking a break but instead your stuck here looking after an old man like me'  
'hey Phil listen,you don’t get to pass remarks like that about yourself,you are the man who saved me gave me a new meaning in life.I was the young stupid boy you made a man out of so don’t tell me what I should be doing with my time when I wouldn’t be here if it weren't for you'  
Throughout this monologue Phil stayed quiet but couldn’t help the tears springing to his eyes listening to the words.  
Dan's anger dissipated and he started rubbing soothing circles on Phil's back which was now soaked in sweat. 

'did you have to make me cry?'Phil sobbed 

'I'm sorry Phil but I just hate it when you put yourself down like that,I've seen enough people do that already' 

'still I'm glad you're opening up Dan,I want to share your struggle just as you share mine like right now' 

They were at the front door now and Dan let Phil lean against the doorframe while he opened the door. 

'hey Dan 'Phil sounded delirious 'give me an onomatopoeic word?'  
Dan imitated a circle with his hands and with a high-pitched tone announced  
'microwave' they both laughed tongue to cheek laugh until Phil nearly tripped in the hallway and Dan had to carry him to his room.  
Dan stood nervously by Phil's bed as Phil sat in front of him.  
'K,Phil don’t take this the wrong way but I have to remove your clothing'  
Phil spasmed as if electrocuted and looked up at Dan frowning.  
Dan smiled reassuringly  
'it's because of the fever Phil,you're soaked'  
'I can undress myself Dan I've only being doing it for 29 years now'  
However as he went to take off his t-shirt it he couldn’t get it over his head and struggled like a fish out of water.  
Dan kneeled down beside him and helped him remove the rest as well as his shorts which were nearly see through with sweat. 

'now Phil I have to go get a damp cloth and some ibuprofen for the fever ok please don’t move'  
'dan please stop talking to me like I'm a child'  
Phil pouted and Dan had to leave before he got the urge to kiss said lips.  
When he had finally found the pills and a basin of water with towel, he came back to find Phil on his back with his eyes closed.He gently placed the cloth on Phil's forehead before Phil opened his eyes suddenly nearly causing Dan to hit the ceiling. 

'Dan,do you really think spiders are more afraid of us than we are of them?'typical Phil question but the way he asked it made Dan squeal internally.  
He felt like a parent putting his child to bed even though that scenario would be weird given their situation and well he wasn’t kink shaming but its not for him frankly' 

'Ok Jayden Smith, lets leave the philosophy to the Greek gods ok?'  
But just as Dan was pulling the covers over Phil,Phil jumped from the bed and bolted to the bathroom.  
Dan followed and knelt beside him,a sympathetic look on his face and he stared rubbing circles on Phil's back  
'please Dan you don’t have to watch this'Phil begged between throwing up  
'I want you to let me be there for you' Dan echoed Phil's own words.He couldn’t argue against his own reasoning and also he felt comforted by those large solid hands of Dans on his back.  
'I'm sorry Dan its been like that since I was young,yet another reason why my mom didn’t have more kids'  
'you mean it wasn’t just because of the creepy watching them while they slept'  
'hey I'm sick I get a pass on being bullied'  
'you're right and I appreciate your little idiosyncratic ways they make you so unique Phil not weird'  
'you know you can be really cheesy sometimes'  
'good it was supposed to be cheesy' 

Dan kept rubbing his back and saw how exhausted Phil was hovering next to the toilet bowl.After a few minutes Dan asked 

'Phil do you think its safe enough to make it back to the bed,you seriously need liquids'  
Phils eyes lit up and Dan sternly said  
'no coffee Phil,not with your stomach,maybe some tea and and dry toast instead'  
'Dan can you also bring in the laptop se we can catch up on some anime?'  
'yes Phil'Dan shouted from the kitchen as he went about making some toast for himself with butter aswell as dry toast for Phil.  
When Phil looked up he laughed rocking back and forth on the bed  
'ooh breakfast in bed,you really shouldn’t have Dan?'  
Dan gave him a 'this guy' look and answered  
'shut up you idiot I found this in the cupboard anyway half of it is mine'  
'jeez Dan did you leave nay bread for the rest of them?'  
'excuse me but I haven't eaten since lunch today'  
'I know I'm sorry Dan because of me you must be starving maybe you should make something more substantial'  
'nope we are in this together remember?call it a sympathy protest against food' 

'Dan I'm pretty sure that’s some form of abuse or self-harm that you're doing to your body right now'  
'just shut up Phil and eat your toast I'll go grab the laptop'  
They sat in bed and watched death note and ate in peace.Phil fell asleep on Dans shoulder,hair mussed and clung to his forehead.Without moving too much he had to reach over Phil to turn off the bedside lamp but as he turned to reach over Phil he was enclosed in a hug with his arms wrapping around his waist.  
Dan could see the blemishes on his nose and around his lips.He decided against disturbing his sleep so he simply shimmied down to cuddle facing him.he felt the same level of peace he only got when he was asleep the complete lack of criticism and doubt that haunted his everyday life.  
A little while later Kathryn came to check on them and give Dan his food when she found them alseep,dan with a protective hand on Phil's stomach.  
She tiptoed around the bed to turn off the lamp and beamed with pride at the sight of the two of them.In sickness and in health,her wedding day echoeed in her mind.They really were in love weren't they?


	7. Chapter 7

Phil yawned and tried to swat whatever was tickling him and disturbing his deep sleep.   
But when he came into contact with a solid form he opened his eyes fully which hurt form the sudden invasion of sunlight. 

He nearly fell off the bed when he saw it was Dan with his mouth agape and breathing against his shoulder.He was almost completely on top of I'm and Phil was getting more flustered by the second. 

He felt trapped both by the mental and physical restraints holding him back   
his breathing hitched and he let himself drown in the scent of Dan the texture of his skin soft as a Labrador s fur against his own and the vibration of his heart beating against his own. 

He was getting lost in the fog of thought sinking further in the depths of dangerous territory.   
He reached out and let his fingers tangle in the soft curls untouched by mousse or wax. 

His natural form,he had finally accepted his true self after all these years Phil beamed with pride   
Whats even more,when Dan had said Phil was an integral part of that process that he had 'made him a man' Phil had never felt prouder and boy was the transformation more beautiful than a caterpillar to a butterfly. 

But Phil's heart dropped at the realisation he could never say these things,otherwise he would ruin the relationship they have. He had said friendship was enough that he would be there for Dan that was enough for him wasn’t it?   
Dan woke shortly afterwards and they had breakfast as usual. 

'so Phil,you're looking a bit healthier this morning?'   
'yeah thanks Mum,you know Dan would have made a great nurse in another life'   
'speaking of which Phil are you sure you're up to eating again?' Dan asked with a concerned frown   
'yes Florence Nightingale I'm fine ok,plus I'm starving I have a lot of eating to catch up on'   
'ok but no pancakes honey' Kathryn warned   
And no sweets for a while at least' Dan added. 

'gosh I wasn’t aware I was in for an intervention,Martyn,Dan,Cornelia anything to add to the conversation'   
All three made a 'nope' gesticulation with their hands. 

Phil knew it was really out of sheer fear of Kathryn. 

For today's trip they decided to visit the pitch and putt in town like they did every year and in keeping with other years Kathryn promoted herself to tour guide. 

'ok next person who putts a hole in one gets a personal head massage from person of their choosing'   
Dan pronounced the competition   
But in a whisper he added only to Phil 'and if I win I get a repeat performance of this morning' 

Phil nearly choked on his own tongue as Martyn and Cornelia bickered in the background 'you better hope I don’t win Cornelia'   
'don’t worry M, I don’t have any hope I've seen you play already' Martyn looked highly offended as she playfully tapped his arm. 

Phil couldn’t wait for a moment when he could be alone with Dan.He nabbed him as they were walking around town taking photos   
'Phil you look like someone ate your cereal,whats up with you?'   
'are you telling me you don’t know what I'm thinking about?'Dan acted oblivious ad Phil nearly lost his nerve. 

'you know what never mind,it doesn’t matter its clearly only a funny joke'   
And Dan was left on the sidewalk admonishing himself for being so stupid and glib.   
Later that night Dan went to get into bed when he saw Phil as lying on the spare bed. 

'Phil come on you should sleep in your own bed its not right'   
'just go to sleep Dan I'm quite comfortable down here'   
The tiredness of Phils voice and the hoarseness of it made wince. 

Dan heaved a sigh and sat down on the bed facing Phil with his back to him.   
'here goes okay Phil I need to say some things that I would love for you to listen to but please while I speak don’t turn around because I don’t think I can say this while looking you in the eye'   
Phil stayed quiet but his breathing quiickened which let Dan know to continue 

'firstly I'm sorry,im sorry I made that stupid offhand comment today I wish I can say I did it innocently but like the asshole I am I did it in jest to gauge your reaction,I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do'   
He tooka deep breath fighting internally whether to stop or continue but he made it his far   
'I've been changing my viewpoint on some things lately,things like relationships,friendhships and careers. 

Introspectively my attitude and outlook on life has changed,you are an integral part of that Phil,nothing I have planned in it is without you I guess I just realised recently how important you are to me'   
Dan looked across at a younger naive version of himself as he went on 

'my mind has switched back to the lost little helpless boy again and I can't stand it,I don’t want to dependant on you again and have your fell depended upon,I want you to be my equal in life.A lot of little things lately has led to my shifting thoughts,boundaries have blurred,lines have been crossed' 

The boy in front of him was weeping with the fear of abandonment, hopelessness and worst of all rejection. 

'but this morning when I felt your fingers through my hair my heart swelled with such insurmountable love, a feeling I've never really had before but how I would imagine flying fells except without a harness of safety,there is no security when you fall,you just hope for the best'   
By the time he had finished he closed his eyes and let the weight of the burden lift he waited for the sound of footsteps of Phil running for the hills, horrified at the idea of anything other than friendship. 

But what he felt was two solid arms wrapping him in a tight embrace and that was when he let the floodgates open.   
He opened his eyes to see the younger version of himself smiling and dissipating to leave behind two blue pools flooding and a watery smile on his lips'   
'finally I get to see the real Dan after so long'   
And Dan understood what he meant this was the version of himself he'd been repressing the vulnerable emotional Dan without the façade and Phil accepted that,this didn’t scare him. 

 

'Phil,does this mean you...you?'   
In response to Dan's question Phil leaned in a and gave him the softest kiss   
They rested their foreheads together and Phil whispered   
'we can erase and rewrite our own lines now Dan,what do you say?' 

'yeah but I mean I never suspected you-   
'from the moment I found you searching for me on the platform at Manchester and looked into your eyes I knew I you would put me thorough my paces but I also knew it would be worth it'   
'only the more time I spent with you,I discovered so much more beneath that only made me fall harder, rarely do people see the person I see in private and I am just lucky to be a part of your life' 

They both laughed and Dan joked while twinning their fingers together   
'that was really cheesy'   
'good it was supposed to be cheesy' Phil laughed putting his free hand to Dan's chest and leaning in for another kiss   
'so what do you say Dan,want to make a forever home with me?'   
''with the person I love,definitely'


End file.
